


Flight Test

by himawaridreams



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anxiety, Character Study, Depression, Gen, Pre-Canon, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 04:33:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17481251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himawaridreams/pseuds/himawaridreams
Summary: Braving the strongest of winds, the baby bird learns how to fly. Set before the events of Banana Fish.





	Flight Test

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I wrote this before the Banana Fish anime ended-- back in November or so-- but I never published it until now. There originally was going to be more to this fic, but it just kept sitting collecting dust in my drafts, so I decided to SLAM THAT POST BUTTON. I hope that you enjoy it nonetheless! :^)

It was a late summer night that found Eiji lost in his thoughts, ruminating about days gone by. The crickets chirped their cacophonous chorus outside his cracked window as a salty breeze whirred in, tickling his sweaty cheeks. Even the sticky and sweltering heat typical of a Japanese summer couldn’t stir him from his stupor. Simply put, there was just too much on his mind– too much to sleep.

Throwing his sheet off himself, he pondered  _why_ he humored the idea of getting some shuteye tonight, given his current emotional state. It was a trend lately, really. The pattern was as follows: nag self to sleep, get into bed, screw eyes shut, despair over sleep not coming, and then… call it quits. Although disappointing, he wasn’t surprised that he rinsed and repeated that sequence again. 

Heaving a sigh, Eiji figured that he might as well spend the night doing something productive-– or, at the very least, a semblance of productive. With that thought driving him, he hauled himself out of bed, his feet hitting the tatami mat beneath them. The scratchiness of the straw didn’t do any favors for his sour mood.

“Hup.” he grunted quietly, rising to stand with pronounced difficulty. For an athlete to have trouble getting out of bed, whether physically or mentally, was a pathetic predicament to be in. Despite knowing his therapist advised him to use positive self-talk to combat negative self-talk in these moments, Eiji couldn’t bring himself to now. Being dead tired was a debilitating deterrent. 

Rubbing his eyes, his bleary vision adjusted to see the street lamp’s light illuminating a picture frame on his desk in a ghastly glow. Puttering over to take a closer look, he lifted the frame up more to his face, breath hitching when he remembered what this was. It was a dated polaroid from when he had joined the pole-vaulting team in his first year of high school. Basked in the hazy light from outdoors, his youthful face, so full of vim and vigor, seemed otherworldly. 

_He looked alive._

What did he look like in the present, he wondered? Was he the polar opposite of how he appeared in this photo? That must be the case, since the predominant adjective that seized his mind was “alive." What a cruel world it was, then, that Okumura Eiji, star of the pole-vaulting team, was dead. 

It’s not like he had to stay six feet under forever, though. There _was_ an opportunity proposed to him by Ibe-san, that he could go to America with him. He’s not sure what possessed him to propose that, but… he could wager a guess as to why. No matter how hard he tried to conceal his depression behind a smile, Ibe-san’s trained eyes were too keen– he knew how to spot a fake smile from a real one. 

Should he go to America? The proposal has been in earnest, yet Eiji had numerous doubts. Even though his therapist jumped at the idea, shaking her head enthusiastically and urging him to go, parroting Ibe-san and saying “the change of scenery would be good for him”… What if it wasn’t? There was a niggling doubt in the recesses of his psyche, gnawing away at him; that told him that he was irreparably broken. What good would a change of scenery be to a caged bird who couldn’t fly to experience it?

Exhaling through his nostrils, Eiji set the picture frame back on the desk. His heart ached. Reliving that memory from what felt like decades ago reopened a wound he forgot he had-- no,  _attempted_ to forget he had. His teammates that he had formed a sort of camaraderie with all vanished upon hearing of his injury, rubbing salt into his already festering pride. One after the other, each of them tapered out of his reach, like the retracting beams of the setting sun in the background of the picture. That was the extent of his so-called “friendships” with them.

In a momentary lapse of reason, he flung his desk drawer open, snatching the offending object and throwing it face-down into the cluttered interior. It resounded with an anticlimactic  _thump_ , cushioned by the red mittens his sister knit him in her home ec class. The sight of them ushered forth a fresh wave of self-loathing for treating something she poured her heart into so insensitively. Closing the drawer to seal the items away, he averted his guilty gaze to the surface of his desk.

His eyes eventually landed on what was strewn across the top of it, disregarded in the midst of his depression. Shuffling through the old coursework, syllabuses, and crumpled up papers, he excavated the diamond in the rough: a tourist brochure given to him by Ibe-san. Inside of this brochure were snapshots of a world he had heard so much about in pop culture, yet a world he knew so little about himself. He had a mandatory English class in high school, sure, but there was only so much you could learn about a foreign country in a classroom setting. 

Leafing through the pages of the tourist brochure, Eiji was greeted by unfamiliar English words blown up in a colorful and impactful font. He fumbled over the sentences in his head, making out bits and pieces that he vaguely remembered from his vocabulary flashcards. There was a dizzying amount of words that he couldn’t recognize. Just thinking about having to engage foreigners in conversation caused his head to spin out of control… How on earth would he manage that?

The terrifying trance he was twisted in was trounced by the breathtaking pictures that accompanied the descriptions, illustrating the bold majesty of America. From the cities adorned in lights and glamour, to the mountain peaks shimmering with snow, to the broad countrysides with their curving slopes and bountiful harvests… There was no shortage of possibility in this land of the free. Being “free” in every sense of the word was an enticing idea to him, and he couldn’t bring himself to convince himself otherwise. Freedom was precisely what he needed. 

Pivoting on his unsteady feet to plop down into his desk chair, Eiji slumped into it, feeling totally, utterly drained. He tossed the tourist brochure to the side, watching as it glided gracelessly across the paper ice rink. He glanced halfheartedly at the analog clock ticking away on the wall; it was 3:32 A.M. 

Not having any energy left to get into a huff over the passage of time-– or, rather, time passing  _him_ by while he got increasingly frustrated over his lack of sleep-– he swiveled around to face his desk. Planting his arms down on it, Eiji nestled his head between his arms, content with his makeshift pillow. The last thing he remembered was his eyes fluttering shut and a cocoon of warmth enveloping his fatigued frame.

\---

While he was unconscious, he dreamt. Eiji could hear the distinct sound of his sister’s voice, the bubbling of a brook their sole background noise. They were talking about many different things, yet nothing at all. It was casual, back and forth banter not uncommon between a brother and sister. Fond teasing, jokes, and jabs were the central themes of their interaction.

Their laughter suddenly died in their throats when she speared him with a steely stare, furrowing her eyebrows. “Eiji…” she murmured, “…are you planning on leaving to America?” 

Just from the calculated manner in which she spoke, he could tell that she was being careful not to cross any boundaries. Although he was grateful for the sentiment, Eiji still remained at an impasse, unable to make a definite decision on the matter. He didn’t wish to disappoint her when she scaled the insurmountable wall he erected around himself… unlike what he would be capable of doing. 

He shook his head. “To be honest, I’m not sure… If it were up to the me a month ago, I would want to stay behind in Japan and wallow in my sadness, but… something keeps tugging at me, insisting that I go.” 

“Shouldn’t you go, then? Maybe your heart is leading you to where you should be.” 

Eiji contemplated what she suggested, turning the thought over and over in his head like he used to do with a worry stone. If he was truly meant to be in America, it was a plausible possibility that his heart was beckoning him there, drawing him to whatever awaited him within its borders. Would he be brave enough to venture outside of his comfort zone?

“I just feel like… if I don’t get on that airplane with Ibe-san, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life.” he admitted, watching a baby bird frolic near the water, its mom hopping protectively in tow. “Even though I try to put up a strong front in public, that’s not how I am on the inside. I’m weak, indecisive, and–-”

A punch to his shoulder interrupted his deluge of deprecation. Eiji startled, whirling his head around to see none other than his  _sister_ pouting after packing that punch. 

“Ouch! Hey, did you  _really_  have to hit me!?” he yelled, rubbing the sore spot on his shoulder. “That’s probably going to bruise…”

“Bruise, schmoose! You focus too much on the physical, dear brother of mine… Mind over matter!” she tapped her forehead, a cheshire grin stretching her lips. “And if you listened to your mind-– like you’re so prone to doing–- you would know that your sister knows best!” 

“Knows best about  _what,_ exactly? Aren’t I supposed to be the one who knows best, seeing that I  _am_  older than you?”

A special delivery of another punch to his shoulder put him in his place, and he reluctantly clamped his mouth shut. 

“Age doesn’t matter in this circumstance! The thing is…” her tone shifted to serious as she looked at Eiji straight on, “…I can see what you can’t see, Eiji. You’re too caught up in your own emotions to realize that going to America is what your heart deeply desires… am I right?”

Angling his head away from her, he redirected his gaze to the baby bird now flapping feebly midair, wings working overtime to propel its tiny body. He smiled gently at this heartwarming flight test. Hopefully he would be able to fly again someday, too. 

“Maybe you do know best after all.” he said with a joking lilt to his voice, his facade of sincerity crumbling. Backpedaling as quickly as he could, he narrowly dodged a lunge from his sister, brimming with killing intent. 

“Why I oughta… How dare you be cheeky with me, you little punk!” she roared, flexing her fingers in a tickling motion. Eiji felt his stomach drop. “Once I’m done with you, you’re going to rue the day you ever thought to trample on my kindness! Prepare yourself!”

“C-Come on, sis… We can talk this out! There’s no need to resort to such tactics!” Eiji cried, slowly scooting away from her. The fear flushed out of his system when he recalled the ammo he could use against her, and he stopped dead in his tracks, holding her at metaphorical gunpoint. “Don’t make me tell mom about the R18 doujins under your bed!”

Halting only seconds away from tickling his sides, her mouth hung open at his threat. “Wh-Wha-–! How did you know about that!?”

Relief washed over him at seeing her floundering for an explanation. Eiji chuckled, waggling a finger. “What can I say? Brother knows best, of course!”

“Gah!” she threw her hands up in defeat. “Whatever! I have no clue how you found out about that, but don’t think I can’t tell mom about all your overdue manga from the library! What was it again…? Sunday something?”

Eiji facepalmed. “ _Young Sunday_! If you can’t even remember the name of the manga, don’t try and chuck an empty threat at me!”

Shrugging, she squatted beside him, sticking her hand out for a handshake. “This seems like grounds for a ceasefire. Truce?”

Mirroring her shrug, Eiji shook her hand firmly. “Truce.”

“All right!” she exclaimed, springing as nimbly as a rabbit to her feet. “How about I treat you to an ice cream cone, partner? In honor of our truce.” 

“Fine, fine. Just this once though, okay? _I’m_ supposed to be treating you to your favorite snack… not the other way around!” 

Waving her hand dismissively, she started to walk homeward. “Pfft, don’t sweat the small stuff! Let’s just get going already! Or would you prefer that I help you cross the street… old geezer?” 

With that single biting remark, he felt his blood pressure rising, boiling to a sizzling, simmering degree. Dashing after her, she yelped as she struggled to maintain her lead. They both left the serene scenery of the brook behind, running headlong into whatever life had in store for them– good or bad. The baby bird soared above them, racing the pair with its wings spread proudly out.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Eiji is a character that I relate to on a personal level, so it was surprisingly easy for me to write for him. It is a colossal y i k e s thinking about how optimistic he was about going to America, and then... ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. Nobody deserved to get caught up in that nonsense... smh. :^(
> 
> Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to disregard the canon ending of the series! Feel free to follow me @ ritzyvhasta on Tumblr if you, too, have a complicated relationship with the ending. :'^)


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